I finally learned that I had to relinquish the need to control every little thing and let things happen as they will. When we hold on tightly to resentments and past experiences, it holds us back from attracting the right people into our lives. I am willing to release a situation without getting upset or feeling slighted and I don’t drag my issues from one dating experience into another. I can relate to men better because I seek to understand them, just as I would expect from them, instead of judging them.Īnd I now fully subscribe to the idea that if it’s meant to be, IT WILL BE. I no longer have a problem getting dates from quality men and having fun experiences with them. I don’t see the point in worrying or stressing about men and relationships, so it all just comes so easily and naturally to me. Now I am so much more relaxed about dating. I think that a lot of my control issues relating to men stemmed from bad experiences with guys in the past or fear of looking like a fool - I guess to the people around me especially my friends and family. I was so sensitive to any minor slight! It was all about control (or fear of not having any). In my book Survive, Live or Thrive?I tell the story of a guy who jokingly mentioned that I had a “little mustache” on a date so I never called him again. Never mind that he might be tied up at work or otherwise distracted. For instance, if a guy didn’t respond to my texts right away I’d write him off immediately. If the guy did one thing I didn’t like, I would just end contact immediately. I used to be so particular and structured about how my relationship or dating experience would go.

The therapist told her to repeat the following line over and over: Relax, Relate, Release! Whitley was wound up over something and struggling for control. In it, the main character Whitley Gilbert (played by actress Jasmine Guy) was in a counseling session with a therapist played by actress Debbie Allen. There was a classic scene in one of my favorite television shows from the 90s called It’s a Different World.

Relax relate release quotes